Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
