I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
