I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize