i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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