Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
