If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
