He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Randomize
