you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
