Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
