im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
