Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
