Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
