woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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