got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
