oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
is that a dick in a sweater?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize