So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
