its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize