I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
