Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i dont even know how to be here
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
