question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
