Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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