I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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