He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
