How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
