somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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