so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
