there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
