whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
