New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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