thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
