So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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