if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
