What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
