I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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