Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
