I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
