I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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