It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize