Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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