Cold hands, warm shart.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
