Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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