i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
