Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
