1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
