i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
