Kiss
Puke
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
