my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
