batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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