apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
