Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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