He kissed a someone with a penis
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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