She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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