We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
