just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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