Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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