I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
