i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
