He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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