We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
