can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
