I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
