what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
