She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize