first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
