whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
