This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
