and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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