So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
